May 1, 2012
And at long last, despair has found me again
my old friend and long time foe
come to reclaim what has always been his
my eyes spill forth their secrets
grey against the colorful desolation of this nightmare that has always been my reality
In the quaking darkness I have found myself once again
swimming solidly in the swampy depths that is so horribly familiar to me
For the first time in a long while, I feel like myself
so comfortable in my sadness
accustomed to this foundation of meloncholy
I feel normal
The normal which I have tried to outrun for so long
it always catches up
always catches up in the end
my normality will be my end
my means to an end... I have always known
*********************************
December 2, 2011
come clean
sink slow
feet first
into the snow
wish you knew
now you know
head first
into the snow
...but this snow
this snow wont last forever.
************************************
Feb 17 2011
There is a war that is raging
deep inside myself
Strangely familiar
and utterly deconstructive
the darkness spreads
dispersing evenly throughout my body
consuming all light within my being
just like before
***************************************
October 2 2012
You're so jaded that even your eyes are green. Try not to blink.
You've lost that shimmer that spark... how could you possibly think that it would be any other way?
You're so full of hot air that you don't need to breathe, lies and deceit.
So lost in your world, created from memories and dreams. Hide away, young child.
Hide in your plastic cave and rubber forests. Run free in your mind.
No wonder you're so out of touch...
Back to reality. So beautiful but you can't see.
You can't see the flowers or the clouds.
You can't feel the sun on your face, not anymore...
For what could ever compete with the dream that you live?
So keep dreaming, lovely sleeper. Keep your eyes open and your heart closed.
Shy away from reality and all that comes with it.
Run far into the depths of your mind, so safe and secure... but so alone.
*********************************************
Janurary 23 2010
So strange are the thoughts running through my head at 2 am. The people that stray into my conscience are to say the least unexpected, though not at all unwelcome. A short ride home becomes an open space for the ponderences of my brain. The day unfurls in my mind, like a cat that has been sleeping for a long time. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster as my cognitive interface races the speedometer. The space in my car is replaced by every memory that will be forgotten no later than tomorrow. It saddens me that the wrinkles on my brain aren't deep enough to hold every memory that I make. Only the big ones stick. And as I ponder, I am comforted by the trees shadowing my car as I glide underneath them. Tall dark trees and glittering grass soothes my country soul... and I remember the earth, and how it feels to be a part of it. one everlasting thread that connects everyone and everything together, and i realize that the trials of my days are not so big. Not so bad, and oh so very silly, in the giant scheme of things.
***********************************************************
December 2010
Just A Girl
I saw a girl today
she reminded me of you
it made me sad
and at that moment I realized
just how much I missed you
and that I loved you
just a little bit
*********************************************
December 23 2011
My heart flutters at the sound of your name
like a butterfly just emerging from the cocoon
excited and trusting of the gift it has been given
ready and full of life
This is what you make me
My breath quickens at the thought of your embrace
my body aches, so ready for your touch
like a lover reaching for the hand of their partner
that space in between, where anticipation stops all breath
This is what you make me
My love grows every minute that we are together
like time, it is infinite
reaching over oceans and sky, land and space
seamless and unwaivering, strong and confident
This is what you make me
You make me all of these things
all of these wonderful feelings I never thought possible for me
complete and alive for the first time
A woman in love
This is what you make me
*****************************************************
November 13 2010
This is my truth
when you look at me I can't breathe
hearing you say my name is like music
you move me more than anyone has in years
I think I could have loved you
This is my truth
your lips spill forth lies like no other
I see right through those icey blues
you are everything that I hate in this world
you have no power over me
This is my lie
you never cross my mind
I am so over you
I forgive you
you have no power over me
................ and now I can breathe
*******************************************************
November 9 2010
Winter is so heavy.
I feel it's weight pressing down on me like the darkness presses down on the earth.
Maybe it's the lack of sunshine.
Maybe it's the lack of laughter.
I fear that I will not find my way out of this fog until it is too late...
so easily a year full of light and happiness is washed away by the cold.
somebody please lend me a flashlight.
it's so cold in here and I need it's artificial warmth to feel alive.
to remind me of better days.
to help me remember the sun.
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